See Be Do Get – Life Coaching Exercise to Give a new Perspective to Old Limiting Beliefs

This coaching exercise teaches us the reasons why we keep attracting events into our lives that we don’t want. It also teaches how to redirect our actions and responses to get the outcome we do want.

Preparation: Have your journal ready to take notes.

One Minute Meditation: Take a moment to relax, take a few deep breaths and center yourself.

Begin the Session: Begin by asking yourself to think of something you are experiencing right now that you are not happy with.

SEE BE DO GET

1. See/Observe – What did you SEE, or observe during your experience? Explain your experience.

2. Be/Believe – As a result of what you’ve experienced, what do you now believe? Ask yourself how you are or act (how you BE) now as a result of what you experienced. What do you now believe?

3. Do/Action – This is the pattern that I developed because of this belief. Describe the pattern that you may have developed because of this belief. What do you DO now to reflect what you believe?

4. Get/Outcome – This is what keeps happening now because of my past experiences and the beliefs that caused me to develop. This is now what you GET, or your current outcome.

GET-DO-BE-SEE

Focus the session: Now reverse the process.

5. Get/Outcome – This is what I would like to experience. Ask yourself what would you like to experience now? What would you like the outcome to be now?  This will show you how to redirect your thoughts in order to GET a new desired OUTCOME.

6. Do/Action – This is the pattern that I will develop. Ask yourself, what pattern could you develop now to get your desired outcome? What would you have to DO differently? What new ACTION will you take?

7. Be/Believe – This is what I now believe. Describe your new BELIEF. How will you BE now as a result of the new action you will take?

8. See/Observe – This is what I will experience. Ask yourself, what will you experience now as a result of the new action and belief? What will you SEE and OBSERVE now?

Create an action plan: What action are you willing to take to create the outcome you want? Write it down.

Security and Insecurity

Do you sometimes find yourself feeling overwhelmed with self-doubt and lack of confidence? Despite your accomplishments, do you feel like you haven’t gotten ahead? Do you feel that you don’t deserve lasting love and that partners will eventually leave you? Do you stay at home, afraid to venture out and meet new people because you don’t feel you have enough to offer? Do you feel overweight, boring, stupid, guilty, or ugly? These are all examples of insecurity and can be transformed once you understand what may be causing it and what you can do to overcome it.

Insecurity is a feeling of uncertainty, lack of confidence or anxiety about yourself and may produce:

  • Fear, worry, and anxiety
  • Restlessness, fatigue, and insomnia
  • Indecisiveness
  • Avoidance of others
  • Depression

Security is the state of being free from any danger or threat and may produce:

  • Boldness and a sound mind
  • Rest, peace, and joy
  • Decisiveness
  • Love, confidence, and fellowship
  • Thanksgiving and praise

If you have insecurities in your life, it may be because you are clinging to something that can easily be taken away from you whether material or a relationship.  If you are anxious, worried or fearful, then you are most likely trusting in or holding on to something that can be taken away from you.

What causes us to become insecure?

The kind of childhood you had, past traumas, recent experiences of failure or rejection, loneliness, social anxiety, negative beliefs about yourself, perfectionism, or having a critical parent or partner can all contribute to insecurity. The following are the three most common forms of insecurity and how to cope with them.

1. Insecurity Based on Recent Failure or Rejection

Recent events in our lives can greatly affect both our mood and the way we feel about ourselves. The biggest negative contributor to happiness is the ending of a relationship, followed by the death of a spouse, losing a job, and poor health. Since unhappiness also influences your self-esteem, failure and rejection can have a major effect on your confidence.

Below are some tools you can use to overcome failure or rejection:

  1. Give yourself time to heal and adapt to the new.
  2. Get out and engage with life, following your interests and curiosity.
  3. Reach out to friends and family for distraction and comfort.
  4. Get feedback from people you trust.
  5. Persevere and keep moving towards your goals.
  6. Be willing to try a different strategy if necessary.

2. Lack of Confidence and Social Anxiety

Many of us experience a lack of confidence in social situations like parties, family gatherings, interviews, and dates. The fear of being evaluated by others can lead you to feel anxious, judged and self-conscious. As a result, you may avoid social situations, experience anxiety when you anticipate social events or feel self-conscious and uncomfortable during them. Past experiences can feed your sense of not belonging, not feeling important or interesting, or just not being good enough.

Being bullied or excluded from a group of friends in middle school or high school can continue to negatively affect your confidence as an adult. If you grew up with critical parents, or parents who pressured you to be popular and successful, you may also be overly sensitive to how others perceive you. The truth is, that most of the time, people are more focused on how they are coming across than on judging others. Those who judge and exclude are often covering up insecurities of their own and so their opinions may be less than accurate and they may value superficial attributes instead of character and integrity.

Below are some tools to transform insecurity from lack of confidence and social anxiety into security:

  1. Talk back to your inner critic. Remind yourself of all the reasons that you can be interesting and fun or would be a good friend or partner.
  2. Prepare in advance. Think of some things you can talk about like current events, movies you’ve seen, hobbies, your job, or your family.
  3. Avoiding social situations just makes things worse. So go to a party or on a date even if you’re nervous or have to go alone. Your anxiety should decrease once you get engaged with others.
  4. Set yourself a smaller goal, like talking to one new person.
  5. Deliberately try to focus on others to take the focus off of you. Become the observer and notice what other people seem to be feeling and doing. Do you notice any similarities or skills you can learn from them?

3. Insecurity Caused by Perfectionism

Some of us have very high standards for everything we do. You may want the highest grades, the best job, the perfect figure, the most beautifully decorated apartment or house, perfect kids, or the ideal partner. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always turn out exactly the way we want, even if we work extra hard. There is a piece of the outcome that is at least to some degree out of our control. Bosses may be critical, jobs may be scarce, partners may resist commitment, or you may have genes that make it difficult to be skinny. If you are constantly disappointed and blaming yourself for being anything less than perfect, you will start to feel insecure and unworthy. Beating yourself up and constantly worrying about not being good enough can lead to depression and anxiety, eating disorders, or chronic fatigue.

Below are some ways to transform perfectionism into security:

  1. Try to evaluate yourself based on how much effort you put in, rather than on the outcome, which is dependent on external factors.
  2. Think about how much of a difference it would actually make if you were to work ten times harder. Would the time and energy spent be worth it?
  3. Perfectionism is often based on all or nothing thinking, so try to find the grey areas. Is there a more compassionate or understanding way to view a situation? Are you taking your circumstances into account when you evaluate yourself? Is there something you learned or achieved even if the end result wasn’t perfect?
  4. Perfectionists often have conditional self-esteem: They like themselves when they are on top and dislike themselves when things don’t go their way. Can you learn to like yourself even when you are not doing well? Focus on inner qualities like your character, sincerity, or good values, rather than just on what grades you get, how much you get paid, or how many people like you.

Relationship Coaching for Developing Communication and Listening Skills

This exercise looks at the basic laws of relationships, communication, and listening.

Relationships play a huge part in our lives and may often be brought up in a coaching session.

Relationships are what make our world go around. Whether it’s our relationship with ourselves, others, or the planet, we are always communicating in some way.

All relationships are mirrors of our relationship with ourselves. People come into our lives for three reasons…

  1. To reflect something back to us that we admire or dislike about ourselves. When we come in contact with these people, we may feel a sense of familiarity. Pay close attention to these moments, as there is usually something of great value to learn here.
  2. To give us information that will support us on our path. This may be a stranger that you are standing next to in the bookstore as they suggest that you read a certain book.
  3. To support us on our life’s journey. People that come into our lives to support us also come in three different ways: a moment, a season, or a lifetime. People that come into our lives for a moment are usually the ones who will reflect something back to us about ourselves, or they have a bit of information or insight that they can share with us. People that come into our lives for a season may be supporting us by teaching us a lesson that will add to our growth. People that are in our lives for a lifetime, such as our spouses, your children, or our parents could be there to teach us the biggest lessons that we will learn in our lives. They are all perfectly supporting us somehow.

No matter who comes and goes in your life, all people are all there to support you in some way or another. Make sure to show your gratitude and appreciation for everyone, as this will reflect back more gratitude, appreciation, and support to you in your own life.

Good communication is important

Listening is a very important part of communication. Developing good listening skills is one of life’s most important gifts. Have you ever stopped to hear the birds chirping, the wind blowing, and the earth creating? This is just a small part of our communication with the planet. Then there are our pets; do we listen to them? There are many levels of communication, most of which don’t involve using our voice to speak. With people, most communication is based on body language. Body language speaks louder than words, just as the phrase says: actions speak louder than words.

Listening to someone does not mean to do what he or she says. It just means that you heard what they said and acknowledged them, even if you didn’t agree. There is a difference between listening with our ears and listening with our hearts. If we listen with our hearts, from our place of knowing, then we will hear what they are really trying to tell us.

Sometimes, in a tough conversation, people may not know what to say, have a hard time saying it, or just don’t say anything at all. This is where we become the listener and ask questions.

There are three places that we can come from when we are communicating with others, or making decisions.

  1. Head– From this place, we may be trying to rationalize situations, use intellect, process, analyze, and react. This is great for use in business.
  2. Heart– When we are in our hearts, we are connecting, expressing love, feeling compassion, sensitivity, and sympathy. Sometimes it can be difficult to make decisions from the heart when we are too sensitive or emotional. These emotions could get in the way so it is important to think from the heart when we are completely grounded. This is great for use with loved ones.
  3. Knowing– This feeling comes from the place just below or behind our navel, our center, our gut feeling, also called our place of “chi” or our life source. This is where we go when we are seeking answers from within. Here we can only experience the truth of all things, a knowledge of who we really are, why we are here, and how we can best serve all of humanity. From here we are able to respond to situations rather than react. It’s similar to the sense of being in the present.

Our knowing is also the place where goosebumps come from during certain situations or experiences. These are actually “Truth Bumps.” We can know, that when this happens, Spirit is present.

Exercise: Pause for a moment, count to five, take a couple of deep breaths and get centered. Then ask yourself, which one of these three places are your current thoughts and decisions coming from? By doing this exercise several times throughout your day, you may find that your thoughts and decisions will start to shift more into alignment with your wants and desires.

Clear Signs

Life is continuously providing us with messages and information. When we do not listen, then the messages become lessons. When we do not learn, the lessons become problems. When we do not address the problems, they become crises. When crises are left unresolved, they create chaos in our lives. Just imagine how life would be if we learn to live on the levels of messages and lessons.

Preparation: Have a pen and paper or your journal ready for this exercise.

One Minute Meditation: Take a moment to relax, take a few deep breaths and center yourself.

Begin the Session: Throughout your day, and as you encounter different people, even your family that you see every day, look for what each person may have to offer you, or what you may have to offer to them. If someone is asking you for some guidance, look at how it may be serving you to help them. Recognize what category they fall into.

Answer the questions below. Take a few minutes on each one and explain your insight and answers. There is an example question provided for each category…

Relationship with yourself, others, and the planet

What does having a positive relationship mean to you?

Are you happy with your relationship with yourself?

How do you see your relationship with the world?

What is your relationship like with people in general?

What is your relationship like with animals?

How is your relationship with the planet?

Communication

What does good communication look like to you?

Do you practice good communication?

Do you freeze up when something triggers you and you don’t say anything at all?

Do you speak clearly?

Are you very clear about your intentions when speaking?

Listening

Are you a good listener?

Do you acknowledge others when speaking to you?

Do you catch yourself thinking of something to say while someone else is speaking to you?

Do you interrupt or talk over people?

Create an action plan: If you had to choose one thing to work on first, would it be your relationship with yourself, others, and the planet? Would it be developing better communication or would it be to become a better listener?

Relationship Coaching for Couples and Families

This exercise is for those who are interested in developing better relationships with their partners, children or family.

Everyone we see in the world reflects different parts of ourselves. The traits we see most clearly in others are the ones that are strongest in ourselves. This is called the mirror of relationship and is a powerful tool for emotional freedom.

When we have a strong negative reaction to someone, we see that this person reflects traits that we also possess but have been unwilling to acknowledge or embrace. We might spend so much time denying that we have a dark side that we end up projecting these denied qualities onto other people. For the same reason, we are attracted to certain people because they have the same traits that we have, positive or negative. This exercise will help you embrace the coexistence of opposites within yourself.

To build a better relationship with others, we must first build a better relationship with ourselves. When we are happy and at peace with ourselves, it will reflect in our relationships. If we are not happy with ourselves or any part of our life, that also will be reflected in our relationships.

If we want to understand more about our relationships, we then have to look at our emotions. How often do we tell our partner or others how we really feel about something? Do we hold it in and hope it just goes away in fear of creating a confrontation? Do we look at the truth and address what’s really going on or do we just burst into an emotional ball of confusion and stay stuck in the past?

The following relationship skills and main causes of troubled relationships are examples of topics you can use when coaching your client…

Relationship Skills:

  1. Heartfelt understanding – when you really listen to what your partner needs and understanding why they need it.
  2. Giving your partner what they really need – once we know what our partner needs, we can begin to offer it to them to the best of our abilities.
  3. Creating and building trust and respect.
  4. Reigniting playfulness, presence, and passion.
  5. Harnessing courage and embracing honesty.
  6. Uncovering and creating alignment.
  7. Live consciously- lead by example by being present in everyday life.

The main causes of troubled relationships:

  1. Lack of communication
  2. Money issues
  3. Disagreements regarding children
  4. Distrust/Jealousy

Do you spend quality time with your partner? Do you spend quality time with your children? What does quality time mean to you?

Love is the most effective way to build a better relationship with your children. How often do you express love, appreciation, and gratitude for them?

Parents are role models for their children. Be who you want your children to be. You can tell them how you want them to be, but they will learn the most from your actions.

Coaching Exercises for Couples:

Blind Date – This exercise helps build trust in a relationship. Each person takes turns being blindfolded and their partner walks them around in a park. After each person has had a turn, sit down as a group and discuss what each person felt.

Date Night – Choose one night per week to spend quality time together. Stick to it!

Put yourself in their shoes – Ask your partner to share with you all of their concerns, feelings, struggles, weaknesses, strengths, needs, expectations, responsibilities, fears and dreams. Your part is to be completely silent and take notes as they speak. Then it’s your turn.

More or Less  – Discover what you would like more of and what you would like less of in the relationship. The More or Less tool is also great to use with your children.

Look for the Good – Each of you will sit down and write down everything that you love about each other.

Preparation: Have a pen and paper or your journal ready for this exercise.

One Minute Meditation: Take a moment to relax, take a few deep breaths and center yourself.

Begin the Session: Answer each question. Take your time and be as honest with yourself as possible.

Step One: Think about someone you find attractive. On the left side of a piece of paper, list ten or more qualities that you love about that person. Write quickly. The secret is to not give your conscious mind time to edit your thoughts. You can put down as many qualities as you wish, but don’t stop until you have at least ten.

Step Two: Now focus on somebody who totally irritates you, annoys you or makes you uncomfortable in some way. Why does this person infuriate you so much? On the right side of the paper, list ten or more of their undesirable qualities.

Step Three: Look at your list for the person you find attractive and circle the three qualities that you find most appealing about him or her. Then look at the list on the right side of the paper and circle the three qualities you find most repulsive. Now read the six words you circled out loud. You are all of these qualities. Once you see yourself in others, you will find it much easier to connect with them and maintain emotional well being.

Focus the session:

If you had to choose to work on one relationship right now, who would it be with?

What kind of relationship would you like to have with this person?

Why do you want this type of relationship?

What would it look like if you already had that relationship?

What might be stopping you from having it now?

What could you do differently?

Are you willing to commit to that?

When will you begin?

Continue asking yourself these kinds of questions, continuing to answer from a totally honest and centered place.

Create an action plan: What action are you willing to take? Write it down.

What do you Need Right Now?

This coaching exercise is designed to help you see what you may need right now in your life. Sometimes we can get overwhelmed and lose track of what we need to do in the present moment. This tool will help you prioritize your life and get back on the right track. Sometimes we tend to “put the cart before the horse” and often miss important steps that we need to take in order to reach our desired outcome. Or sometimes we try to rush situations only to have them not work out in our favor. Taking a step back we can see what we need to prioritize in our lives to create more balance.

According to a study on human needs psychology, there are six essential human needs…

These basic needs are:

Certainty – Comfort, pleasure, avoidance of pain, and the feeling of safety and security.

Uncertainty and Variety – Challenges to our normal lives that act to exercise our emotional and physical range.

Significance – The need to feel special, important, and wanted. The need to be respected, admired and accepted by others.

Love and Connection – The need for connection with other human beings. (It is important to both love and be loved.)

Growth – If we are not growing we’re dying. It is essential to think beyond yourself, beyond your fears and limitations, in order to grow, love, and understand. Remember also that the power of freedom is the power of growth and creation. Tap into that power.

Contribution – To be fulfilled we need to contribute to others. Contribution gives meaning to life.

This session is intended to clarify what needs are not being fulfilled and what may be blocking you from fulfilling those needs. Do you need to communicate more effectively, forgive yourself or others, remove fears of guilt, or to adjust your behavior to match what your needs are?

Self-coaching Exercise:

Preparation: Have a pen and paper ready to take notes.

One Minute Meditation: Take a moment to relax, take a few deep breaths and center yourself.

Begin by asking yourself, what do you need right now?

Do you need a particular person to behave in a certain way?

What would it look like if you had it right now? Give yourself a moment to really feel this one.

What else do you need right now? Are you showing that to others?

How could you show others what you need right now?

Are you willing to start right now?

How could you take action?

What may be stopping you or blocking you?

Focus the session: What do you call your higher power? Center yourself and call on them to help you with this. Ask, what would they tell you right now if they were to give you their best advice. Listen closely.

If you could do that right now what would you gain?

Are you whole and complete in your life right now?

What would you need to be whole and complete right now?

Do you really understand what your needs are and are you willing to commit to taking baby steps to get closer to fulfilling your needs?

Create an action plan: What action are you willing to take? Write it in your journal.

Journaling

Journaling is a powerful way to record and measure a person’s progress. It can also help us understand why certain things have happened in our lives by reviewing past events. Journaling is also a good way to remind us of the progress we have already made.

Here are a few examples of what types of journal you can keep:

  1. Simple writing – Every night before you go to bed make a few notes about the highlights of your day. This doesn’t need to be a long story; it could just be notes about things like people, feelings, colors, events, etc.
  2. Gratitude Journal – Every night before you go to bed, write at least three things you are grateful for. Example: I’m so grateful for my family, I am grateful for the ability to go to work today, I’m grateful for my health. Of course, more significant things may happen, but it’s okay to note the smaller things too.
  3. Dream Journal – Keep your journal near your bed and as soon as you wake up note your dreams, even if they don’t make any sense. You may look back at them later and understand their meaning.
  4. Worry Journal – Write your fears, worries, frustrations, anxieties, and all unwanted emotions down, describe your feelings. Then write what you would like to happen, or how you want to feel instead.

Automatic Writing: You can also use another form of journaling for finding answers to questions. Take any question that you need to be answered and just start writing about it. Write down the thoughts as quickly as they come to you. Just keep writing and writing. Pay attention to these thoughts, sometimes they come in the form of solutions. If you feel guided and find solutions, take action on them as quickly as possible.

Preparation: Purchase a personal journal.

Begin the Session: Choose one of the journaling methods listed above. Begin to implement this on a daily basis for three days then come back to this exercise and continue.

After three days: Once you have practiced the exercise for at least three days ask yourself these questions:

  • What was the most significant part of this exercise?
  • Did I learn anything new about myself or my situation?
  • What else would I like to get out of this exercise?
  • Does this exercise work for me and do I want to continue to journal?

Create an action plan:

According to what you’ve learned about this exercise, what action steps would you be willing to take? Hold yourself accountable and commit to the plan.

Healthy Boundaries

Personal boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. A person with healthy boundaries can say “no” to others when they want to, but they are also comfortable opening themselves up to intimacy and close relationships. A person who always keeps others at a distance (whether emotionally, physically, or otherwise) is said to have rigid boundaries. Alternatively, someone who tends to get too involved with others has poor boundaries. Also, keep in mind that having poor boundaries is also a form of giving your power away.

Healthy Boundaries:

  • Values own opinions.
  • Doesn’t compromise values for others.
  • Shares personal information in an appropriate way (does not over or under share).
  • Knows personal wants and needs, and can communicate them.
  • Accepting when others say “no” to them.

Poor Boundaries:

  • Overshares personal information.
  • Difficulty saying “no” to the requests of others.
  • Over-involved with other’s problems.
  • Dependent on the opinions of others.
  • Accepting of abuse or disrespect.
  • Fears rejection if they do not comply with others.

Rigid Boundaries:

  • Avoids intimacy and close relationships.
  • Unlikely to ask for help.
  • Has few close relationships.
  • Very protective of personal information.
  • May seem detached, even with romantic partners.
  • Keeps others at a distance to avoid the possibility of rejection.

Most people have a mix of different boundary types. For example, someone could have healthy boundaries at work, poor boundaries in romantic relationships, and a mix of all three types with their family. The appropriateness of boundaries depends on the setting. What’s appropriate to say when you’re out with friends might not be appropriate when you’re at work. Some cultures have very different expectations when it comes to boundaries. For example, in some cultures, it’s considered wildly inappropriate to express emotions publicly. In other cultures, emotional expression is encouraged.

Self-coaching exercise:

Preparation: Have your journal ready to take notes.

One Minute Meditation: Take a moment to relax, take a few deep breaths and center yourself.

Begin the Session: Ask yourself the following questions…

Think about a person with whom you struggle to set healthy boundaries. This could mean that your boundaries are too rigid (you keep your distance), too poor (you open up too much), or there’s some other problem that isn’t so easily labeled. Who do you struggle to set healthy boundaries with?

Boundary Categories: What categories would you choose to describe your relationship with this person you listed above?

  • Physical Boundaries
  • Intellectual Boundaries
  • Emotional Boundaries
  • Sexual Boundaries
  • Material Boundaries
  • Time Boundaries

Take a moment to imagine what it will be like when you begin to establish healthy boundaries with this person.

  1. What are some specific actions you can take to improve your boundaries with this person?
  2. How do you think they will respond to these changes?
  3. How do you think your life will be different once you’ve established healthy boundaries with this person?

Focus the session: What was the most significant part about this session?

Create an action plan: What action are you willing to take to have better boundaries? Write it down.

More or Less Life Coaching Exercise

The More or Less exercise can easily help you prioritize your current situation by looking at what you would like more of and less of in your life.

Preparation: In your journal or on a piece of paper, draw a line down the center. On one side write MORE and the other side write LESS.

One Minute Meditation: Take a moment to relax, take a few deep breaths and center yourself.

Begin by looking at the two columns and ask yourself what would you like more of or less of in your life. Make notes in the appropriate column.

Keep asking yourself this question until both columns have a good amount of information.

Focus the session: Ask yourself, if you had to choose one thing to work on from either column, what would it be? Focus the rest of the session around that subject.

Now ask yourself, by working on this one area, do you think it would help in any other areas listed?

In most cases, by working on one particular issue it will create a ripple effect that will fix many other things in the process.

Create an action plan: What action are you willing to take? Write it down.

Finding Answers from Within

This coaching exercise is designed to help you learn to trust your inner guide and intuition. After all, tapping into that is the underlying foundation of Life Coaching. A Life Coach knows that the client has the answers within them. A Coaches job is to help the client bring those answers to the surface by using powerful questions and coaching exercises.

According to an ancient legend, there was a time when ordinary people had all the access to the knowledge of the gods. Yet, even with this access, time and again they ignored this wisdom. One day the gods grew tired of so freely giving this unused gift to the people that they decided to hide this precious wisdom where only the most committed of seekers would discover it. They believed that if people had to work to find this wisdom, they would use it more carefully. One of the gods suggested they bury it deep within the earth. “No,” the other said, “too many people could easily dig down and find it.” Then another one of the gods suggested, “Let’s put it in the deepest ocean,” but that idea was also rejected. They knew that people would one day learn to dive and thus would find it too easily. One of the gods then suggested hiding it on the highest mountaintop, but it was quickly agreed that people could climb mountains. Finally, one of the wisest gods suggested hiding it deep inside the people themselves. They’ll never think to look there. And so it came to be.

Trust Your Intuition

Intuition is the ability to trust what you feel without having proof or evedence.

For most of us, our childhood conditioning trained us to look outside of ourselves for answers and solutions to everything. Few of us learned how to look inside and trust our intuition and gut feeling. Everyone was born with an intuition and has at one time experienced it. Have you ever thought of someone and the phone rings and it’s them? Have you ever had a thought and it came true almost instantly? That’s your intuition at work. Most of us just dismiss it as coincidence, but if we begin to look and acknowledge it more, we can use it to achieve great levels of success.

“The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery. There comes a leap of consciousness, call it intuition or what you will, and the solution comes to you, and you don’t know how or why.” –Albert Einstein

How to develop your intuition

Meditation is one of the most popular and effective ways to develop your intuition. When we allow the mind to become still and quiet, we make space for answers to emerge from within us. Regular meditation can help clear out distractions and allow creative solutions to spontaneously come into our awareness. This is best practiced in nature, by a stream or in another quiet and relaxing place.

Preparation: Have a pen and paper ready to take notes.

One Minute Meditation: Take a moment to relax, take a few deep breaths and center yourself.

Begin the Session: Form a Question…

Begin by closing your eyes and taking several deep breaths……………………… Breathing in peace and clarity…………………….. and breathing out stress………………………… Breathing in calmness and quietness…………………….. and breathing out stress and worry.

Now focus your attention on the questions that you need answers to. Your intuition can provide you with the answers to anything you need to know. Form a specific question in your mind and once you are clear about the question, open your eyes and write it down. Take your time with this. Also, try not to ask a question that can be answered with yes or no. For example, you can begin your question with, “How do I…?” or, “What should I do about…?” or “What can I do…?”

Listen for the answers

Allow the answers to spontaneously come into your awareness. Still your mind and do not force any desired or wanted answers to come. With time and patience, they will come on their own.

Write them down

Write down the answers that come to you immediately. These visions can quickly evaporate so make sure to capture them in writing as soon as possible. Keep writing as answers come into your awareness. It may be a simple answer that doesn’t have a long explanation, or it may be a more complex solution that requires some understanding. Seek answers and translations if an image seems to need a deeper explanation.

Take immediate action

Pay attention to the answers you receive and act on the information as quickly as possible. When you act on the information, you will receive what you need. If you learn to take action right after you receive the answers, you will begin to live in the flow. Eventually, it will become easy and effortless to let the wisdom come to you. When you begin to see the benefits of acting on found answers, you will learn more and more to trust yourself and your intuition until it eventually becomes automatic.

What was the most significant part about this exercise?

What answers came to you?

Create an action plan: How could you take action on this guidance?

Example Life Coaching Session

Business people shaking hands, finishing up a meeting.

Coach: Hi Amy, thank you for always showing up on time for our sessions. How are you today?

Client: Hey Nick, I’m good but I’m really having a hard time staying motivated at work. I’ve been there for about three years now and sometimes the challenges are so hard that I just wish I could leave.

Coach: Okay, is that what you would like to focus our coaching session on today? (Note when your client has something stuck on their mind: it may be a good practice to choose this to focus the session around. If not, ask the client what they would like to focus their session on that day)

Client: Yes, actually because I feel like it also affecting me in other areas of my life. I’ve been having problems at home, with my kids, my partner, and also have been having difficulty taking care of my own health.

Coach: Okay, I understand your concerns. Would you like to take a minute to just breathe and calm our minds before we begin?

Client: Yes, that sounds good.

Coach: Good then, let’s take a few slow deep breaths and feel our awareness of the present moment being fully integrated into our body. Take your time and let me know when you feel calm and relaxed.

Client: Wow, I feel better already.

Coach: Good, are you ready to begin the session now?

Client: Yes.

Coach: Okay, great. So what I heard you say was that you are having a hard time staying motivated at work and having challenges. Is that correct?

Client: Yes.

Coach: Okay, can you describe some of the challenges you are having?

Client: Sure, sometimes it seems like I can’t do anything right in the eyes of my boss and peers and they are always correcting me or questioning me. I can also feel their frustration and hear them talking about me.

Coach: Okay, can you share a specific example of something that happened recently?

Client: Well, just today my boss came in and told me that I needed to be following the exact protocol of the sales procedure and that everything listed on it was very important.

Coach: Okay, have you been following it as they describe?

Client: Well I thought I was but apparently not.

Coach: Did you explain this and ask your boss to be more specific?

Client: No, I just said okay and went back to work. I could feel the frustration and upset in his voice and I didn’t want to go there. Actually I didn’t even think to question him.

Coach: Okay, so when you started working there, did you get proper training on how to follow the protocol?

Client: Yes, but the person who trained me (my old boss) left about three months ago and we had a great relationship. She just let me do it how I wanted to as long as I made the sale.

Coach: Okay, so does it seem like the new boss has a different approach?

Client: Yes, he seems very strict on doing everything by the book. I think it’s annoying and ever since he got here I feel like I’ve been watched over like a hawk.

Coach: Did he have a proper meeting with you to get to know you and to explain how he wanted things to be?

Client: No, he just talks with others about me and it makes me uncomfortable.

Coach: Understandable. Now, would you be willing to ask your boss for a meeting so that you could get to know each other better and understand what is expected of you?

Client: Well, I guess I could but the thought of it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Coach: Sure, but do you think it might help resolve your issue?

Client: Yes.

Coach: Okay great. Would you be willing to get out of your comfort zone to do this knowing that it could have a huge impact on your life?

Client: Yes, I do believe that if things were better at work it would make me happier at home and in the rest of my life.

Coach: Great observation. So when are you going to ask him for a meeting?

Client: I could do it on Monday.

Coach: Okay great. Now would you be open to a guided visualization to see how you would like the meeting to go?

Client: Sure.

Coach: Okay, close your eyes and see yourself walking into work Monday morning all dressed up and ready for the day. Now you are walking with confidence to your boss’s office to ask him for the meeting. He sees you and smiles and offers you to have a seat. You feel completely balanced and calm as you begin to explain your feeling with him. As he listens to you he realizes that he really likes you as a person and appreciates all you do. He actually apologizes for not being clearer about how he wants things to change and asks you to join him at the next managers meeting to share your insight. He feels like you could help them better understand what they need to do to make things run more smoothly in the future. After all you are one of the leading sales associates in the company. You accept with gratitude and thank him for his time and meeting with you. Now see yourself walking out of his office and down the hall with a huge smile and a new boost of confidence. When you are ready go ahead and open your eyes keeping this feeling with you.

Client: Wow that was great. I hope it really goes like that in real life.

Coach: Well, do you think it is possible?

Client: Yes, it could be.

Coach: Okay great. Would you be willing to follow-up with me after the meeting to let me know how it went?

Client: Sure! I look forward to it.

Coach: Great, now on a scale of one to ten, ten being very satisfied with this session, how would you rate our session today?

Client: I would say a ten. Thank you!

Coach: Great, and you are most welcome. Thank you again for your time and willingness to meet with me today and I look forward to hearing from you.

Client: You’re welcome, have a great weekend.

Another variation of this would be to go deeper into her problem of not being able to do anything right in the eyes of her boss and peers and they are always correcting her or questioning her. The reason this keeps happening is that she has had some type of trauma even mild trauma from her childhood that created this pattern. It could be that her mother or older sister for example may have always ridiculed her and told her she will never do anything right by always correcting her. In this case, your client would most likely benefit from a soul retrieval.

E+R=O Event + Response = Outcome

This exercise helps us understand why we keep experiencing the events we don’t want. It also shows us how to redirect our actions and responses to get the outcome we do want.

Preparation: Have your journal ready to take notes.

One Minute Meditation: Take a moment to relax, take a few deep breaths and center yourself.

Begin the Session: Begin by looking at the old response…

Think of an event in your life that keeps happening that makes you feel uncomfortable. Explain this event and describe what keeps happening that makes you feel uncomfortable. This could be something that you really want to change but feel like you have no idea how.

Event: Think of a person, place, situation or thing that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Response: Now ask yourself how you previously reacted or responded to the event. How could you have responded to the event differently?

Outcome: What was the outcome or result of the way you previously responded to the event?

Now let’s look at the new response…

New Response: How you will respond to the event now?

Remember, if you don’t like the outcome you previously got, then you have to change the way you respond to the event. If you change your response, you have to get a different outcome.

Desired Outcome: What do you expect the new outcome to be with your new response? What would you like the outcome to be? How could you respond to the event differently?

“If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got.” -W. Clement Stone.

Focus the session: Take a moment to visualize the new outcome.

Action Plan: What one thing are you willing to commit to? When will you do it? Why will you do it

Wheel of Balance

The wheel of balance is a powerful coaching exercise that can help you prioritize and balance a few main areas of your life.

These areas include Friends and Family, Money and Finances, Health, Physical Environment, Fun and Recreation, Career and Life Purpose, Personal Growth, and Relationships. By looking at each section individually, we can learn where to begin to balance them all.

DOWNLOAD WORKSHEET (PDF)

Preparation: Draw a circle on a sheet of paper. Divide it into eight sections (the same way you would cut a pie). Label them 1 through 8.

  1. Friends and Family

  2. Money and Finances

  3. Health

  4. Physical Environment

  5. Fun and Recreation

  6. Career and Life Purpose

  7. Personal Growth

  8. Intimate Relationship

One Minute Meditation: Take a moment to relax, take a few deep breaths and center yourself.

Begin the Session:

For each section, ask yourself…

On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 means needs improvement and 10 means very satisfied), where do you feel you are right now compared to where you want to be? Fill in this section of the pie from the inside out until it reaches your number. Explain why you choose that number and what would it take to bring it to a 10? Take notes. Now continue filling in all the sections for each category.

Once the wheel is completed, look at it and ask, if you had one section you would choose to work on for this session, what would it be? Focus the rest of the session around it.

Create an action plan: What action are you willing to take to better that section of your life? Write it down.

Seven Step Breakthrough

The Seven Step Breakthrough is a powerful coaching exercise that can help us visualize what we want, show us how we have responded to it in the past, realize what may have been blocking us from achieving it, and create an action plan for how to change that.

Preparation: Have a pen and paper ready or your journal to take notes.

One Minute Meditation: Take a moment to relax, take a few deep breaths and center yourself.

Begin the Session: Complete the next six steps, the seventh will come later.

THE SEVEN STEP BREAKTHROUGH 

Introduction to the Seven Step Breakthrough

This is a simple yet empowering exercise that can help you get from where you are to where you want to be by using powerful Life Coaching techniques. The Seven Step Breakthrough can help to find answers or clarity in any situation and can also help with making decisions that you may be presented with at this time. This coaching exercise can be used every time you need answers or clarification and can be reused multiple times after. The motivation behind this breakthrough process is that “you have all the answers within yourself.” This seven-step process will take approximately one hour to complete, and has the most benefit when to finish completed in one session. Be prepared to take notes during this session. Journaling is very important when you are preparing to have a breakthrough! It allows you to record and measure your progress.

Step 1 The Event

An event can be a situation where you are looking for answers, direction, clarity, or insight on what action to take. Is this something that keeps happening? Is it an old pattern or habit that you would like to let go of?  Is it a new adventure that you’ve been wanting to experience? Are you interested in a new relationship or ending an old one? Is this the first time this has happened? What event will you be working on during this session? Take a moment to write down all the details about the situation and how it makes you feel. What is true about this event? Write down what emotions are associated with it and how it makes you feel.

*Take time now to journal about the event, or about questions that you are seeking answers to. Continue to the next step when you are finished.

Step 2 The Response

If this event has happened in the past, how have you previously responded to it? How will you respond to it now? In every situation, you have the power to choose your response, and in every situation, your response will determine your outcome. If you knew that you could get any outcome you wanted just as a result of how you respond, what would your response be?  How does that make you feel? Our feelings are our guide to what action we should take. Does it feel good or does it make you feel discomfort? Take a moment to journal about all the ways you could respond, write them all down.  Visualize what kind of outcome you may get for each response. Then choose the appropriate response.

“If you keep doing what you’ve always done, then you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got.”

*Take time now to journal about your new response to this event. Continue to the next step when you are finished.

Step 3 The Outcome

What would you like your outcome to be? How would it make you feel if you chose this outcome?  Is it in alignment with your feelings, beliefs, and values? If you had all of the support you needed, what would you like to experience? Be very detailed about what you would like the outcome to be. Visualize yourself already experiencing it. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that are created during this visualization. These emotions and feelings are like the glue that will attract this outcome to you. If you feel like crying, cry. If you feel like laughing, then laugh. The only thing to remember is to allow these emotions to flow along with the feelings of already having, being, or doing what you want.

*Take time now to journal about your future experience. Continue to the next step when you are finished.

Step 4 Take Action

What steps have you already taken to move forward on this? Have you tried a different approach? Do you know the next step to take? If it’s someone you need to talk to, then schedule a time to contact him or them, or simply call them. If it’s somewhere you need to go, plan it. If you need money, expect it. If you are not sure how to do it, talk to someone who has already done it. What will you do? What action will you take? Who do you need to talk to? Where will you go? Remember, it’s not about the destination; it’s about the journey. The lessons you learn and the people you meet along the way are all a part of your journey. If you are familiar with the law of attraction, then you may have noticed that the key to manifesting what you want is to take action that is in alignment with your intention. Another clue is that the word action is within the word attraction, and the word act is within the word action. So by taking action, you can expect new opportunities to unfold, and by acting as if you already have it through visualization, new possibilities will present themselves.

*Take time now to journal about the action that you are willing to take and when you plan on taking it. Also, schedule a time each day that you will visualize the outcome you want. All you really need is five to ten minutes. Continue to the next step when you are finished.

Step 5 The Blocks

What’s stopping you or blocking you? Is there something you are waiting for? Do you try to take action and keep running into blocks or distractions?  What are those blocks or distractions? How will you respond to them if they happen again?

When you take new action in any situation, distractions may show up to throw you off track. Learn to recognize them and face them. If you take no action, you may not get the response that you want. Let go of any negative thoughts or self-judgment that you may have. Remember, the worst thing that could happen is that you learn what not to do, while the best thing that could happen is that you learn what works and what to keep doing that. Most of us stay in our comfort zone, where we feel safe and comfortable, but in order to grow and get breakthrough results, we have to step outside of the zone of familiarity and into the scarier zone of the unknown. If you are feeling discouraged, uncomfortable, depressed, procrastinated or fearful, just remember that we always have a breakdown right before we have a breakthrough.

Follow your intuition, also referred to as your gut feeling or inner knowing. These are two similar feelings that we often get confused. One is a feeling that you shouldn’t do something because your inner guide knows it is the wrong action to take or the wrong words to say. If you go against this feeling, you may experience more blocks, or things just don’t work out the way you want. The other is a feeling of fear and just plain discomfort, but you know you have to do it. This one is the feeling you get just before you stretch and grow out of your old comfort zone. By trusting this feeling and facing your fears, you may experience ease and inner peace. Things will just start working together like a puzzle. It is important to learn to differentiate when your inner guide is telling you no, and when your body is just telling you no due to experiencing something new and uncomfortable.

*Take time now to journal about the blocks that you may be experiencing, and how you will overcome them. Continue to the next step when you are finished.

Step 6 The Plan

What is the first thing you could do to take action? What do you feel like you can do right now? When will you do it? What one thing could you do to take action? Journal about what you could do to move forward with this event. Write it down as an action plan! When would be a good time or day that you will do it? Be very specific. Is it today, tomorrow, or this week? Schedule it, write it on your calendar so you can see it and schedule other events around it. Always make sure to be accountable and do it!  If you would like to have someone remind you, call a friend, family member, your coach, an accountability partner, or someone you can trust and ask them if they can remind you at a certain time right before the event. Make sure to also write on your calendar a day when you will do the follow-up session, and review your notes in your journal.

*Take time now to journal about the action that you are willing to take and when. Continue to the next step when you are finished.

Congratulations

Congratulations, you have completed this coaching exercise. I hope you gained more clarity or understanding around this event or situation by going through the process. Remember, if something unfavorable happens during this process, it is probably just a blessing in disguise. Within every problem, there is an opportunity to be unmasked. Everything that has happened up to this point has perfectly been supporting you on your journey. You can’t do it wrong, and you don’t make mistakes. Mistakes are just opportunities to learn from and grow from. Continue to the next step only when you are ready to review your progress after you have followed through with your action plan.

Step 7 Follow-up and Review

Write down what you did, how it went, and what the outcome was. Would you have done it the same way? Would you have done it differently?  Did you have an “aha” moment?  Did you get clarification, answers, or insight? By reviewing your progress, this helps validate the action that you have taken and helps set you up for your next action step. Measurable results are very useful in situations like these. Make sure to thank yourself for your accomplishments and willingness to move through this process. Now that you have completed the Seven Step Breakthrough program for this event, you can now use it over and over for any and all events, just start over with step 1.

Forgiveness

The Forgiveness exercise can help you realize who or what you may need to forgive so that you can move forward in life free from emotional pain and sadness. This exercise will teach you ultimately to have a clearer conscious and subconscious mind.

Forgiveness can be the most powerful tool to release you from any emotional pain that you may have been carrying. Sometimes emotional wounds from the past hold us back and we can’t break free of the feeling of hurt or loss. Even though we may not always feel it, these feelings still lie dormant in our cell memory. Eventually, the universe gives us an opportunity where feelings resurface. When this happens we can choose to ignore them or face them. If we try to ignore them and continue to suppress them, hoping they will just go away, they will always come back. When this happens, we can allow them to come back again as problems, or we can look at them coming back as another chance for forgiveness. If we face them head-on, look them in the eyes, and tell the truth to ourselves, then we have more of a chance to remove at least the feeling associated with old emotions. After that, we can let go and finally be free of the pain.

There are several powerful ways to forgive yourself and others. It is only when you choose to do this, that you will truly be free and be more open to receiving the abundance that is waiting for you.

Preparation:  Have your journal to take notes.

One Minute Meditation: Take a moment to relax, take a few deep breaths and center yourself.

Begin the Session: Begin by thinking about someone or something that happened to you recently or in the past that made you angry, frustrated, or upset. This could also be something you did or didn’t do. Now read each question below. Take your time answering them and take notes.

  1. Who or what made you upset?
  2. How did it make you feel?
  3. How would you want them to change?
  4. What would you change about the situation?
  5. If you were able to change the situation, how would you feel now?
  6. What needed to be different in order for you to be happy?
  7. What is it that you would want to experience instead?

Now ask yourself

  • Did I deserve this?
  • Do I deserve to be free from this?
  • Can I forgive them?
  • Can I forgive myself?
  • Do I now have the power to release this?
  • Do I deserve to be happy and move beyond this?
  • What did I learn from this person or situation?

Mirror

  • Was this person mirroring something back to me that I was doing to them or to others?
  • Have I ever treated someone the way they treated me?
  • Is this something I would like to change about myself?

New response

  • In the past, I reacted to this person or situation like this…
  • Now I will respond like this…

Focus the session: Choose to forgive. Complete the sentences below.

  • I choose to forgive them for…
  • I choose to forgive myself for…
  • I now allow myself to move on from this because…
  • I am now free from this because…

Now take a moment to be with this feeling of freedom. How do you feel now? What has changed?

Create an action plan: What action are you willing to take to change behavior and response in the future? Write it down.

Control vs Approval?

This exercise can help us see how we may be getting in our own way by trying to control a situation. It can also show us how the need for approval can hold us back.

Preparation: Have your journal ready to take notes.

One Minute Meditation: Take a moment to relax, take a few deep breaths, and center yourself.

Begin the Session: Answer the questions below. Take your time and explore each question to the fullest.

What is something significant that is currently happening in your life or has happened recently?

If any, what are some of the ways you seek to control this situation?

What are some of the ways you seek approval in this situation?

Now on a scale of 1-10, ten being the most honest you can get, how would you rate how honest you are with yourself? Circle one: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Now back to the thought of control vs. approval. If you had to choose, would you choose to have total control or total approval in your life?

For the purpose of this coaching exercise, which would you prefer: Being and having total control of your world and life or having everyone 100% approve of you?

What do you notice about the need for control or approval in your life?

What does it mean for you when you don’t have complete control or everyone’s approval? How does that show up in your life?

Based on your answer, what changes would you be willing to take regarding control and approval?

Now, are you ready for the BIG question? Would you be willing to give up your need for control or approval?

Imagine your life free of the need for control or approval. What would that look like and feel like?

When you think of choosing to give up the need for control or approval, does that feeling add excitement to your life or add anxiety?

One of the most significant aspects of Life Coaching is that you can make a huge difference in your life just by looking at things differently, having a new perspective and making new choices.

What will you take away from this coaching exercise?

Focus the session: What was the most significant part of this session?

Create an action plan: What is one thing that you are willing to do to support your choice? What action are you willing to take? Write it down.